You know what? I miss blogging!! It gives me a chance to sort out my thoughts as I write them down. I don't know how terribly interesting this will be to anyone else, but that's OK - I blog for me, not the masses (OK, and by masses I mean the other three people who are reading this).
I need to take a break from work, or the way I am working right now. I think I'm in a funk. Allow me to explain (and by explain I mean gripe)...
I think I need to schedule a week or two that I don't have to open my work e-mail, hold any appointments, or work on any client projects. I still need to work during this time, but what I need to do is prioritize, catch up, breathe deeply and figure out how I want to set up year #2 of running this business full-time.
I think I spent the better part of the last year just running, flailing; doing everything everyone wanted me to do on their schedule, not mine; constantly afraid the bottom would drop out and I'd have to go crawling back to work for someone else and drive a crappy commute every day.
For the second year, I think I will go ahead and decide that I am here to stay. I will finally get to those things which have been lingering at the bottom of my to-do list for months and months — the things that will make my business better and make me better at it. I will refine my tactics and assess what has been working for me and what hasn't.
Look, I'll start practicing now:
- I'm sorry, I cannot meet at 4:30. (My son gets home at 4:10 and I like to be just about finished by that time so I don't have to get snippy with the kids since I will inevitably get interrupted.)
- I'm sorry, I cannot meet today. (I am running a family, a business and my own life — a little more notice is not only appreciated, it is necessary.)
- I'm sorry, I cannot participate in industry events as much as I'd like to. I love meeting new people and the friends I've made along the way, but I'd rather make a coffee or lunch date with you. I have a husband and two kids at home and evenings are either kids' practice times for whatever team or club they're doing at the moment or our down-time together. When we don't have our evening time together, our lives get thrown off big time. Besides, ten years from now it won't matter how many happy hours I attended, but my kids will still remember that we sat down at the table for dinner, held hands and prayed, shared a meal and the details of our days. Plus, I don't drink very often. I have a responsibility to my family and everyone else on the road to be "on" when I'm driving and my son hates alcohol and I try my best to be respectful of that — he has good reason.
And you know, I despise "getting ready." I don't want to put on makeup every day. I've done the dress-up every single day and the does-my-shoe-collection-count-as-an-IRA thing and I'm so totally over it. I have nothing to show for all the thousands of dollars I've spent on clothes and shoes over the years and the immense amount of time I've poured into getting myself ready only to be completely antsy and anxious because I'm wearing something uncomfortable and then wash off all that makeup a couple hours later. PS: I'm also not a big fan of traffic. The reason I'm always late to pretty much everything is because I dread getting ready until the last possible second before I finally [choose one: get in the shower; change clothes; put on my makeup; fix my hair]. It doesn't make any sense, but there it is. It's my thing. And sometimes I am early because I start feeling really grown-up and responsible and I make myself stick to my schedule. But I can't do that all the time — I childishly want to do what I want to do, when I want to do it — and most of the time I talk myself into believing I've earned the right to do so.
I've said it many times before, but I LOVE my house. I take pride in our home, what we grow in the garden, and the unconventional nature of our silly family. I love it all. I can already tell I'm going to be a hermit when I'm old. I don't feel the need to get out of the house much at all.
OK I'm done whining now, and I have to go anyway, as I have a 4:30 appointment. (Shocker.) And yes, my kid is home now and yes, I've already been interrupted twice in the last 5 minutes. C'est la vie!
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