That just happened.

The Year I Got My Life Back

Lots of great things have happened this year, but the most notable thing is how much more active our lifestyle is! Now that I've finished my 10th race event of the year, I thought I'd do a little retrospective. This time last year, I never would have DREAMED I was capable of doing all of this, including losing 55 pounds. But walking has done wonders for me, and I've learned just how much I CAN do! The races have been fun, great for accountability, and a good gauge to see how far I've come in my training, but what's really great is how all this has affected my day-to-day life. I can hop on my bike and ride down to the park with the kids... I can play on the playground equipment... I can run around... I can dance and dance (I didn't say I can dance well)... I can go to San Francisco and walk the crazy hills and still be OK at the end of the day... I can take my son to the zoo and see every single animal... My life is different and better, and I'm excited to see where I'll be in another year! Shout outs to Brenda, Ashley, Meredith, Erin & Madeleine, Ketti, Cassi, Mike, Elias, Victoria, Mom & Dad, Aunt Dee, Doni, Elizabeth & Rosanna for all the love and support throughout the year. What's written below is more for me, but I'm happy to share with anyone who is interested in reading it.

Race for the Cure 5K: April 9, 2011

My first race event ever, and my daughter’s first as well. We were early-on in our training and our weekly walks were only about 2-4 miles. I woke up late and almost didn’t bother going. But we showed up just in time, except the roads had already been blocked off. We parked at least a mile away from the race start and started power walking toward the starting line. The super-fast runners started coming our direction and we couldn’t even see the start line yet! Then, the big herd of runners started to show up and we passed Brenda, walking hard and fast against the racers. We finally made it to the beginning, thought I didn’t actually make it to the actual start line with 14,000 participants, but began about 100 feet away from it. We found our friends Erin & Madeleine, who were so nice to wait for us, and then started walking (already exhausted just from getting to the start – lol). Fun walk overall; I got a blister or two and was just happy to finish my first 5K, hand-in-hand with Erin. Huge accomplishment for me.

 


Heels & Hills 10K: May 1, 2011

My first 10K ever! Rainy & cold, but so proud to finish! The day started off horribly – it was the first day of my short-lived quitting smoking regimen, drove to Las Colinas in heavy rain, got my breakfast all over my shirt while driving, so I had to change into the race shirt in a stairwell at the event, which was a size or two too small. Luckily I had a poncho on over that! lol Meredith and I walked 95% of this (jogged a little here and there to keep up), so we were finishing the 10K while those around us were finishing the half-marathon. Turns out we were handed a medal that I later learned was for the half-marathon finishers – oops! Oh well, it’s a nice memento. I got some nasty blisters and I could hardly even walk around the house for a week. This prompted the discovery of Body Glide on my feet & I learned about GOOD socks.

 

Buffalo Boogie 5K: May 7, 2011

A lovely, small, nature-y race event I did with my family. It was Mike & Elias’ first 5K – we all did great! It was a pretty uneven path and I was still a bit sore from the 10K the week before, but overall we had a great experience out at the Fort Worth Nature Center & Wildlife Refuge. This event had tons of families and doggies and I would love to do this event every year.

 

Firemen’s 5K: May 28, 2011

This 5K was the best race time I had all year (16 minute miles walk/jogging, but mostly walking). The scenery/neighborhoods were fantastic and the event overall was small enough that parking wasn’t a problem, but big enough to be fun. This was probably the most well-planned & executed small race event I have ever been to. Great time had by all, for a great cause! I would do this event every year too.

 

American Heroes 10K: May 30, 2011

Oh, this race... This race still irks me because I didn’t finish it. I got right up to mile 5 of the 10K and after multiple attempts to scoop me up from the back of the pack, I finally caved in and let a police officer take me in on a golf cart. I was in a lot of pain and had been crying as I walked for about a mile or so, and once I was dropped off at the finish, I was so ashamed, I didn’t even go pick up my race T-shirt (they hadn’t been available yet when I did packet pick-up earlier that week). It was a nice route around the ballpark though, and a very well-planned race, complete with a touching military flyover (being on Memorial Day and all), 21-gun salute, and a Blackhawk helicopter on-site. The only photo I have of me at this event, since I did it by myself, is this one. I’m on the right-ish in a turquoise shirt with my signature hot pink headband. I was scared to keep going and scared to quit. At the first 10K, I pushed through the foot pain and got hurt, so I was torn between pushing myself and listening to my body. Push through the pain at the risk of an injury? I wasn’t sure. I hate giving up and I am super-competitive, so I was pretty hard on myself after this race. This race prompted me to make an appointment with an awesome foot doctor who made me some custom orthotics, which helped a ton.

 

Firefly 5K: June 4, 2011

This was our second 5K event as a family. A nighttime run with glow-in-the-dark everything. I have a LOT of gripes about the way this race was put together, but I won’t bash the organizers – they received enough feedback already. From what I understand, they experienced a HUGE amount of growth this year and were just ill-prepared. I have faith that next year will be great and they learned a lot from this year. It’s a REALLY cute and fun concept and supports a great cause (Children’s Medical Center), so I would consider doing it again.

 

Trinity Bright 5K: October 1, 2011

A fun, leisurely walk on a beautiful course through Trinity Park in Fort Worth (unless of course you want to run) ;). Family-friendly, Halloween costume-friendly and the perfect time of year to be outside in North Texas. The registration fee was inexpensive and the event was just gorgeous – everyone should be doing this race! And it supports an amazing cause — The Forever Trinity Dream Foundation and The Pediatric Brain Tumor Foundation.

 

Komen 3-day for the Cure 60-mile walk: November 4-6, 2011

Prepping for this event is what started it all – the pièce de résistance that all of this training was for. ‘Nuff said. I could write a novel about this event alone – there is just too much to say to do it concisely. If you were there, you know.

   


Arlington Turkey Trot 5K: November 24, 2011

Why stop after the 3-Day? We don’t want all that hard work to go to waste, so I decided to walk this 5K with my family on Thanksgiving Day, as a commitment to health (on quite possibly the unhealthiest day of the year). Beautiful course around the ballpark amidst the gorgeous trees changing colors in the fall weather – love it! Very well-executed event which was fun, short and sweet, with no traffic problems, and it got us all home in time to start cooking and before the traffic piled up for the Cowboys Thanksgiving Day game. I hope we make this a family tradition.

 

Don Zetnick Winter Run 10K: December 3, 2011

This was a fun little 10K walk around UTA and neighborhoods west in its 34^th year in Arlington! The race benefited YMCA of Arlington and there was also a 1k and a 2-mile – very family-friendly. Meredith and I walked 90% or more of it and were the last to finish – woohoo! But with the little bit of jogging we did do, we were able to maintain a 17.75 mile pace. I think everyone was just ready to get out of the rain. I wanted to finish out the year with an even 10 races, and I did!!

My wall of race bib "trophies" from the year!
(there were no bibs for the Buffalo Boogie 5K, so I only have nine) 

Funk-in Funk

You know what? I miss blogging!! It gives me a chance to sort out my thoughts as I write them down. I don't know how terribly interesting this will be to anyone else, but that's OK - I blog for me, not the masses (OK, and by masses I mean the other three people who are reading this).

I need to take a break from work, or the way I am working right now. I think I'm in a funk. Allow me to explain (and by explain I mean gripe)...

I think I need to schedule a week or two that I don't have to open my work e-mail, hold any appointments, or work on any client projects. I still need to work during this time, but what I need to do is prioritize, catch up, breathe deeply and figure out how I want to set up year #2 of running this business full-time.

I think I spent the better part of the last year just running, flailing; doing everything everyone wanted me to do on their schedule, not mine; constantly afraid the bottom would drop out and I'd have to go crawling back to work for someone else and drive a crappy commute every day.

For the second year, I think I will go ahead and decide that I am here to stay. I will finally get to those things which have been lingering at the bottom of my to-do list for months and months — the things that will make my business better and make me better at it. I will refine my tactics and assess what has been working for me and what hasn't.

Look, I'll start practicing now:

• I'm sorry, I cannot meet at 4:30. (My son gets home at 4:10 and I like to be just about finished by that time so I don't have to get snippy with the kids since I will inevitably get interrupted.)

• I'm sorry, I cannot meet today. (I am running a family, a business and my own life — a little more notice is not only appreciated, it is necessary.)

• I'm sorry, I cannot participate in industry events as much as I'd like to. I love meeting new people and the friends I've made along the way, but I'd rather make a coffee or lunch date with you. I have a husband and two kids at home and evenings are either kids' practice times for whatever team or club they're doing at the moment or our down-time together. When we don't have our evening time together, our lives get thrown off big time. Besides, ten years from now it won't matter how many happy hours I attended, but my kids will still remember that we sat down at the table for dinner, held hands and prayed, shared a meal and the details of our days. Plus, I don't drink very often. I have a responsibility to my family and everyone else on the road to be "on" when I'm driving and my son hates alcohol and I try my best to be respectful of that — he has good reason.

And you know, I despise "getting ready." I don't want to put on makeup every day. I've done the dress-up every single day and the does-my-shoe-collection-count-as-an-IRA thing and I'm so totally over it. I have nothing to show for all the thousands of dollars I've spent on clothes and shoes over the years and the immense amount of time I've poured into getting myself ready only to be completely antsy and anxious because I'm wearing something uncomfortable and then wash off all that makeup a couple hours later. PS: I'm also not a big fan of traffic. The reason I'm always late to pretty much everything is because I dread getting ready until the last possible second before I finally [choose one: get in the shower; change clothes; put on my makeup; fix my hair]. It doesn't make any sense, but there it is. It's my thing. And sometimes I am early because I start feeling really grown-up and responsible and I make myself stick to my schedule. But I can't do that all the time — I childishly want to do what I want to do, when I want to do it — and most of the time I talk myself into believing I've earned the right to do so.

I've said it many times before, but I LOVE my house. I take pride in our home, what we grow in the garden, and the unconventional nature of our silly family. I love it all. I can already tell I'm going to be a hermit when I'm old. I don't feel the need to get out of the house much at all.

OK I'm done whining now, and I have to go anyway, as I have a 4:30 appointment. (Shocker.) And yes, my kid is home now and yes, I've already been interrupted twice in the last 5 minutes. C'est la vie!

Slammed

This downward spiral used to happen about once a month, but this is the first time it's happened so far in 2011. I get completely slammed with work but I try to maintain my normal work-life balance: quit at quitting time, not work on weekends, etc. . . . except during that evening and weekend family time, I am plagued with stress about how much I need to do or should be doing.

Time for bed comes and goes and everyone is asleep, yet I am still awake, trying to de-stress and zone out in front of the TV, because I haven't watched TV for days or even weeks. I think about sneaking to my computer to work, but when I sit down, my eyes begin to dart around and I realize I am too tired to do anything productive, let alone creative. Then I get through one more episode of Friends before I finally pack it in and go to sleep at 2 a.m. But my alarm still goes off at 6:45 to take my son to school, and I awaken immediately stressed about my growing to-do list. Once he's off to school, I start working right away, with just a double mug of coffee - no breakfast, no workout, not even changing out of my pajamas and slippers. This is a recipe for disaster.

This bad routine continues for days until I finally whittle down my to-do list enough to chill out or make myself sick. I occasionally have to actually stop working to get ready and look presentable for previously-booked meetings, so that's a blessing and a curse. My work to-do list is never really done, because even if I send out all of my proofs, by the time I'm done, I'm already getting changes back on some and by the time I finish those, I have changes back on the others, and when those are done, some jobs are ready to send to the printers and order envelopes for, and then when I get those, the others are ready to go, then I'll have a barrage of shipping to do or meetups to schedule to drop off invitations. I currently have close to 20 orders in different stages of this process, not to mention e-mail inquiries or phone calls to return to prospective brides and clients, as well as invitation consultation meetings. This is the job, this is my business, and I LOVE it. What I do not love is when I get overzealous, thinking I can do it all AND have a family, eat healthily at home, work out, and the glue that holds it all together: get plenty of sleep!

My priorities have been out of whack this week and I can see now in hindsight that in the past couple of weeks have been leading up to this stress-fest.

My number one priorities are my family, health and spirituality. Of course my business is a priority, but not a more important one than my family, health and faith. If those three pillars in my life are not straight, I'm not doing my best at my business or anything else. 

February's meal goal of using what we have basically threw me into a tailspin. I accept now that the best we've ever been about eating healthfully and at home was when we had that solid meal plan during January.  I have gotten creative in the kitchen a few times this month, but we've eaten out more than I'd like because it got too late and I didn't know what to make or have anything thawed, etc. Not good. I know now how good it can be and that in order to maintain that goal, I need to be accountable to a schedule and a plan... so I will start a new plan tomorrow for the next month.

When we're not eating well, we don't have the right kind of energy to be active and our sleep schedule gets all crazy too. Hubs and I have been staying up too late for a couple weeks now and we're both exhausted. So when we're not eating right, have no energy, we're not being active enough (and it feels like a beating when we work out) and we aren't getting enough sleep, we aren't performing at our best in our work or our family time either. So I'm putting a stop to this. I don't feel good right now. I feel guilty and tired and icky. Is it any surprise that during this time, I also stopped reading and blogging, two things I love doing in my down time? All of the things that enrich my life essentially stopped because I let my priorities get out of line. What have I been doing? I have had some really fun social times with friends in the last couple weeks, which is fantastic — it's my alone time/family time when I've been messing up. I'm going to get back to my routine this week and back to my healthy, happy family.

I feel like I should also mention the chaos in the world right now. I feel like global issues are escalating at an exponential pace and it is wigging me out, not to mention that the gas prices here are getting out of control again and people are starting to freak a little bit. I am hoping and praying we don't have another economic meltdown in this country, but it is unsettling to say the least. I can feel the tension rising in friends, family and even strangers. I think as a nation, we are a positive people, but that can sometimes lead to living in denial. Did we learn from our economic missteps or did we just go back to driving Suburbans and charging up variable-rate credit cards? Just sayin... make sure your ducks are in a row and your current lifestyle is sustainable. Be prepared. I'm going to take a breather this weekend and get my life back on-track, learn from my mistakes and make sure my priorities are in line. Sweet dreams!

Bad Lab

For the first few puppy years, living with our lab, Sam, was a lot like living in "Marley & Me." But now that he's five-and-a-half, he behaves well for months and then he'll just have an "off" week when he gets into trouble every day. Maybe he had cabin fever from the ice storm last week, but he has been quite mischievous over the last few days.

First, let's take a look at how lovable and docile he is most of the time:

        

What a sweet cuddlebug, right?

  

And I couldn't resist sharing this old photo of Sam helping V play Super Mario Bros. on the old Nintendo. (This was a very bad haircut she got just before moving here - lol.)

Well, we rarely get photos of the bad things he does, because they happen so suddenly and without warning. Like the time he jumped up on the counter and ate half of a loaf of fresh-baked bread. Or the time he jumped on the counter and ate TWO POUNDS of fajita meat. Or when, right in front of us, walked into the garden and began eating cucumbers straight off the plant. And we love it when we come in to find our clean and folded bras, socks and undies strewn from the laundry basket all around the house. Not to mention the countless pairs of shoes the kids sacrificed to the lab-gods before they learned never to leave them in the living room overnight. Sometimes Sam even jumps up onto the living room couch or recliner right in front of our faces (so you know he does it when we're gone) and just curls up in a ball and thinks he's going to nap there.

Last week on Monday night, I came home from taking V to volleyball practice and half of the items from the recycling bin were torn up around the house, along with a large cardboard box torn to pieces. We picked up the pieces, told him that was a "leave it!" and went on about our evening. 

Throughout the chilly week, Sam enjoyed watching the fireplace and sleeping close by. But by Friday afternoon, Sam was ready to get out of the house! He had a blast playing in the snow (LOVES snow) and I guess he was having so much fun outside he forgot to take care of business. With no whimper, bark or whine to let us know, he took matters into his own hands... looked straight at Hubs in the eye, lifted his leg, and oh yes, he did. For about 30 seconds he did. Even while Hubs exclaimed "Sam! NOOOOOOOO!" There he stood, leg up, just going. It was unstoppable. We all stared in horror until Sam was finished and Hubs promptly threw him out in the backyard while we cleaned the carpet. Hubs then marched Sam back inside and straight into his kennel. Later in the day, after they were ready to apologize to each other, Sam was let back out into the general population... and he seemed so content to be back in Daddy's good graces. Look at that ridiculous pig-nose!

But then Saturday morning, Hubs made bacon in a cast iron skillet with breakfast. I know this is gross, but bear with me, he left the bacon grease in the skillet all day so it would be easier to clean (everyone does this, right?). Saturday night, Hubs returns to the kitchen to find...

Well we all know what happened – Sam lapped up half a pan of bacon grease! Eeeeeew! Bad dog!

Let's hope "Sam the Man" has a better week this week. :)

Is It As Bad As I Think It Is?

I wrote this the other night, but I didn't publish it because I was still (obviously) wishy-washy about sharing and I didn't know how I felt about it yet. Plus, Hubs & I hadn't had a chance to address these issues with our daughter in person yet, as she was at her mom's from the 13th-25th.

 

Keeping it vague here to have some privacy...

Is it really that bad that my 15-year-old daughter is doing certain things or is it only bad because I know about it?  

As a parent, if you didn't know, would you want to know? Or is it better to be dumb and blind? (Probably easier anyway.)

Weren't you doing things at 15 that your parents would have been horrified by if they'd known? I am torn between being pissed at her deviance vs. thinking "Is this just normal teenage crap?"

And even if it is "normal," do I have to be OK with that and just get over it? Am I expecting too much or too little from her?

Do you expect your kids to do wretched things? And when/if they do, do you still hand down consequences?

I know that's a lot of questions, but answering any or all of them would be helpful for me right now.

 

Let me just say, it's not drugs or sex or anything like that. Nothing illegal, just immoral... disappointing.

We have since had the chance to talk things over with her... gut-check time. Tears were shed (mostly on her part) but all in all, things are back to normal around here.

Isn't it strange how when we first hear news that hurts our feelings, we can get so angry? Then once we have a chance to confront our child and we see the hurt and guilt in her eyes, we just want to hug her and help her as much as we can? Welcome to parenthood, I guess. No one on earth can get under my skin like she can. I don't think anyone can make me as angry or as proud as my kids. I suppose you don't feel extreme highs and lows with people unless you're really invested in those relationships and you really, really love them.

But to answer my own questions above, I think we should expect everything from our kids. I don't want to be a parent who lowers the bar so my kid won't feel bad about themselves. I will continue to expect everything from them, so they have something to push forward to and aspire to be — and because when they get there, they'll know it didn't come easily. And then they can feel as proud of themselves as I am of them. And that's that.

Save the Drama for Yo Mama

Here is the bulk of the unsettling e-mail I received from my stepdaughter's mom yesterday:

"I took V to the doctor yesterday; she is in the beginning stages of Bronchitis, so they gave her a z-pack and some congestion meds. The doctor was concerned about her weight (not a big shock) and her blood pressure. They took it twice and it was 128/80 and 127/83. So she has borderline high blood pressure at 15. That really concerns and upsets me. She needs better food choices; if the bad isn't there, she can't eat it, period. I am just as guilty; she won't eat the healthy food that I make, and its just easy to cook her up a hamburger helper real quick than argue with her. No more. She begs and begs and begs me to take her to Taco Bell until I am sick hearing it and I take her. No more. I don't eat fast food but maybe 4 times a year and she can just adapt to that. She can either eat what I make, or have a salad. I have not seen this child put a fruit in her mouth in years, really! She may be different there, but here she refuses to eat any. As far as vegetables; she will a salad but not with anything in it except lettuce. So no tomatoes, cucumber, peppers, stuff like that. Big deal, that's not really eating vegetables. The only other veggies I can get her to eat is on the weekend if Chris grills them. Again, she may be different there, but here its a fight. Last but not least on my list of concerns is her activity. She thinks she is active cause she is in volleyball 6 weeks twice a year when in reality she needs to be active all year long and most of volleyball is sitting on the sidelines or waiting for the ball to come to her. So that's that. The girl needs to lose some weight and I am willing to pay for that if you are willing to put her in or on some sort of program. I am worried about her. If she has high blood pressure now, high cholesterol and diabetes is next. This is a touchy subject for her and there were tears last night. Please don't call her fat any more (she says you did recently) it really hurts her feelings. Although she is 15 years old and needs to be some what responsible for what goes into her mouth, she is still our child and our responsibility is to make sure we are making her be and teaching her to be responsible. So call me if you have anything you want to talk about or email back. I want to make sure you guys know I am not pointing the finger just because she lives with you. I have not been as strict with what she eats as I should be either so its been a group effort to make her this way and it needs to be a group effort to change it :)"

My e-mail back:

That is EXTREMELY upsetting to me, too. Here are some of my initial thoughts:

She does need to make better food choices. What Mike and I have discussed recently is that even though we try to keep the bad stuff out of the house so she doesn't have the option, then on the (now rare) occasion we go out to eat, she will order soda and the most unhealthy thing on the menu. When the choice is hers to make, she never makes a good one. Sometimes she even eats two breakfasts - eats at 10 when she wakes up, might eat again at 11 for an english muffin because "the cereal didn't fill me up" and then she'll be back in there for lunch at 12 or 1.

I thought if she saw us making better choices in front of her she might follow suit. Not the case. She has to WANT to make good choices because she WANTS to be healthy, otherwise, she'll never stick to a healthy lifestyle, she'll be a binger. To me, this is not about fat or thin, it is about being healthy. V would tell you she is healthy. She would be wrong.

Our family collectively decided what fit best with our schedule is for all four of us to get at least 30 minutes of physical activity 4 days a week to start - Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday. My son and I have been beating that to pieces, working out on the wii fit together (too cold to do much of anything outside). She has yet to participate.

She eats pears, apples, blueberries, strawberries, raspberries, grapes, avocado and canned pineapple as far as fruit, with no fight. She eats salads with tomatoes, cucumbers (still doesn't claim to like raw peppers, broccoli or carrots). Loves spinach salads. Other vegetables she likes/will eat - swiss chard, kale, cooked broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, eggplant, green beans, zucchini, roasted turnips and/or parsnips. She does NOT like sweet potatoes, yellow squash or bananas. We have replaced rice with quinoa and bulgar, which V loves, and they are whole-grains.

I don't think she needs to be in a program or we need to spend any money. In fact, when having that discussion about exercises, we came up with a list of about 16 things we could do to get our activity time in and they are all free. I told them all I am not spending money on equipment or machinery or gym memberships (which means no swimming for me, boo) until I see a commitment to healthier living and a need for said expense.

Lastly, I just want to let you know about the "calling her fat" thing. She can cry about that until she's blue in the face, but she is not telling you the whole story and that is completely taken out of context. A while back, I was telling her that while out to brunch with two of my girlfriends, one who was training for a fitness test for a job said, "I don't need to be eating this stuff, I'm training to run 1.5 miles in 11 minutes and I'm fat!" and my other friend goes, "Yes, you are." (Gasp!) She continued, "We all are! We need to get together and go for a walk instead of getting together to shove 1,000 calories in our mouths." I was in shock, but it was the truth...  The other girl said, "You're so totally right" and we all moved on and she was unoffended. I was telling the entire family over dinner about that convo and how it got me thinking about how "fat" is such a four-letter word and we take it to mean something more than it means. Fat is not an insult to who we are, it's just something we have, and we CHOOSE to have it with the unhealthy choices we make. I told her, "so guess what, I'm fat," looked at Hubs and said "you're fat" looked at V and said "and you're fat." and it doesn't make us bad people or anything, but we are. I was just trying to get them to get to the point of realization I was at, since society tells us to lie to fat people (and ourselves) and say cute things like, "you're fluffy," or "you're big-boned," or "it's my metabolism," or "embrace your curves!" (Curves are one thing, being 60 lbs. overweight and calling it "curvy" is quite another.) We have to stop making those kinds of excuses and own it - we're the ones that did it to ourselves. I'm sure you get what I'm saying, and V appeared to get it too, so I don't know why she's crying about it now. She is obese. As am I, as is Hubs. It's not name-calling, it's a fact.

Definitely a group effort & glad we're all on the same page. The real question is, is she? If she's not, we will certainly fail in our attempts to help her. Maybe the thought of having serious health issues like high blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart disease and diabetes at 15 was enough to scare the crap out of her.

Final installment from mom:

She did actually tell me that she was healthy last night. Her thing is she is not as fat as other kids you see and she even said you can be fat and still be healthy. I said altho that is somewhat true, its not true for her. She is not healthy.  She did not agree.

She tries that breakfast thing here too and I don't let it happen. I tell her if she gets up around lunchtime, she can forfeit breakfast and just have lunch and dinner.

I understand what you are saying here (about the "calling her fat" thing), but if it hurts her feelings, I would rather we didn't use it to decribe her. I don't use cute words to glaze over the facts, I simply tell her she is overweight. Somehow that doesn't sound as bad as fat to her, but it makes the facts very clear and straight up.

Lastly, no, she is not on the same page with us. It's true that we might fail long-term, but its our job until she is 18 and can make her own decisions, to make them for her. And the health threats didn't really scare her. High blood pressure didn't seem to phase her a bit. Maybe with her fear of needles I should tell her about how she will have to poke her self several times a day if she gets diabetes?

I stopped e-mailing her back at this point. But here are my final thoughts:

1. She is not healthy and using the word "overweight" just glazes over it. Overweight to me is like 10 lbs. V is obese. She is fat. As am I, as is my Hub. The whole point I was trying to make to her is that we have to get over that word - it has nothing to do with who we are inside... she needs to take the emotion out of the equation and realize no one is saying she's not pretty, not smart, not fun or likable or funny. I think what I took away from that whole interaction described above is that we have to detach ourselves from that word - we've got to stop crying about it, acting like no one else knows we're fat because no one ever talks about it, and do something about it! She's nearly 16 - surely she understands. Over this now...

2. Her mom is overly sensitive about all this because she was an obese kid & teenager and has had the weight off now for about 10 years. If you ask me she is still has body dysmorphia or something because she's been thin and fit the entire time I've known her and she is totally OCD about it. V was always a chubby kiddo and the mom has been shoving "be healthy!" down her throat since she could talk.

3. So what were all the tears for if she's not ready to change? It is not our job as parents to make her decisions for her until she's 18! It's our job to teach her. Whether or not she makes the right choices is up to her. So mom just basically wants me to disallow V to feed herself for 2 more years? Then what happens if she gets her own place? Bingeing on mac & cheese and oreos every day?

4. I have a plan to talk with V when she comes back. Hubs & I decided while mom means well, she doesn't pay the bills and doesn't log the time with her that we do, so we will take mom's input into consideration and raise our daughter the best way we know how.

The Grounded Family

Grounded. Punished. Reprimanded. Penalized. Any kid will tell you that being grounded sucks. It's just awful. No friends, no fun, feeling anger toward your family because they're the ones that grounded you (of course, kids should really be upset with themselves for breaking a rule in the first place, and probably are, but you're easier to take it out on). There's even a wikiHow page called How to Cope with Being Grounded — the first option is "Get out of it." No worries though, steps 2-7 are actually helpful. Step 5 on the wikiHow is my favorite, "Find something else to do!" which is exactly what our teenage daughter is forced to do when grounded, and if it's possible, I think she actually loves it!

I know I love it when my daughter is grounded. When she flubs up (which is far less often than it used to be), she gets grounded from facebook and her cell phone, in this case for a week. It actually worked out great since this week will include her "finals time" so she has no phone calls or texts from her boyfriend or instant messaging with friends on fb to look forward to while studying — she just takes her time, and *gasp* — studies.

Don't get me wrong, she very much misses her social media and cell and all, but she's at an age where she no longer fights it (finally, thank God). She moves from anger to acceptance in a flash and just gets over it and moves on. There is no sense in putting all your energy into being pissed off about things you can't change (a great life lesson for us all).

But the weekend is a whole other story. When she used to get grounded, it was like the whole family was on house-arrest for the weekend. We didn't want to go do anything super fun because we didn't want her to have fun, so we'd spend the whole weekend cooped up in the house, with her mad at us and us irritated with her. But now, these "grounded weekends" make for a lot of family time and that's been great (plus, the weather's perfect for staying home anyway: rainy, cold and with possible snow and ice).

We've been eating at home more than ever before, the kids are involved in meal-planning and I'm trying to be less of a kitchen Nazi and let them help more often. Also, we found a new favorite cartoon the other night, it's called The Regular Show — have you ever seen it? It's pretty amazing. Definitely my favorite modern cartoon by far.

In addition to the fantastic new cartoon find, the family has played cards together (Hubs taught the kids how to play real gin rummy); I went to the movies with my mom (we saw The King's Speech - greatness!) and Hubs took the kids to see Tron in IMAX 3D; my daughter and I swung by a Premier jewelry party yesterday afternoon and each picked out something pretty; my son and I made peanut butter cookies; we had an hours-long campfire in our backyard fire pit last night where we chatted, told jokes and held a "Pants Retirement Ceremony" for my daughter's very worn out first pair of skinny jeans (we video recorded this and I'll post it on fb later); we played Wii Fit as a family and did yoga and balance exercises together; and today I have high hopes of just vegging out, reading (and finishing, finally) my book, and later, enjoying the preparation of the warm cream of broccoli soup with rosemary I'll be making from scratch. Not having to worry about keeping up with the kids' social engagements, I've managed to finally get the entire kitchen and bathroom clean (I'm talking tub, shower, blinds, counters, stove top, everything) and as a parental unit we've tackled the ridiculous amounts of laundry that come with being at the ranch for a week right up until New Year's Eve.

So yes, if being grounded gives her an excuse to spend time with us without wishing she were somewhere else or pulling her cell out of her pocket to text-reply "K" every 2 minutes, then that's awesome. Maybe we should all ground ourselves once a month or so. No friends?... Who loves your more than your family? No fun?... Well then I don't know what all these smiles and laughs have been about all weekend...

Groundation: highly recommended.

It's the End of the Semester as We Know It

This is what studying for finals looks like when you're a homeschooled teenager: wake up at 10 a.m., eat cinnamon toast and start your day studying in your pajamas, with bad hair, on your comfy bed with your laptop. Their semester ends Jan. 17 and she's done with Business Systems Technology, Music Appreciation and Chemistry with only English, Geometry, World History and Art History to go. She's so excited I'm letting her study in her room instead of at her desk, so I probably won't see her much during the day for the next couple weeks.

For the Spring semester, Connections Academy has added new elective options for high school students so in addition to the second half of Art History, she'll be taking Digital Photography and Web Design. Awesome! They also have clubs and organizations and we just signed her up for the Art Club, Book Club, Pen Pal Club, Poetry Club, Quiz Bowl, The Monitor (the virtual school's virtual newspaper) and Pens and Lens (the school's virtually published literary magazine). Great things ahead in 2011 for V!

Planning for a Great 2011

I have finally decided to make use of my Entourage calendar for scheduling. I've always considered myself to be a "planner person," needing to tote my little book around everywhere I go. In addition, I keep a running to-do list on the Notes app on my iPhone, which I'm constantly re-ordering and prioritizing (this used to have business stuff, personal stuff, family stuff, etc. — it was a mess and so stressful because I felt like I'd never get through it). Are you a paper planner or do you prefer the electronic calendar?

I still have my regular paper planner for family/vacation planning and bills, but in the Entourage calendar, I've scheduled recurring business things like weekly "organization" time for cleaning out my e-mail box, adding new jobs to my database and accounting tasks. I even set weekday alerts to pop up at 3 p.m. to remind me to get up for 15 minutes, have a healthy snack and avert my eyes from the computer screen. I already feel my load is lightened!

I'm hoping Hubs can sync it with my iCal for iPhone so I know when I can and can't schedule things, even when I'm not at my desk. And now my Notes app on my phone is available for personal to-do's like cleaning the bathroom (we'll just move that down a smidge on the priority list) and making store returns, etc. when I have free time.

I'm most excited about the weekly reminder that will pop up on Fridays at 3 p.m. to remind me to start winding down so I can start my weekend at 4. What's the point of owning your own business if you can't make your own rules, right?